Chap Goh Meh

In a few days time, it will be “Chap Goh Meh”, the 15th day of the first lunar month and also, the last day of the Chinese New Year celebrations. On this day, the Kitchen God will return from Heaven after completing his task.

First, I would like to tell you a little bit about the Kitchen God and Heaven. The Kitchen God is sent by the Heavenly King to the kitchens of every Chinese household to keep an eye on us and on Chinese New Year Day (the first day of the first lunar month), he will ascend to Heaven to report to the Heavenly King our good and bad deeds for the year. Because there are so many of us, he is given fifteen days to complete his report which is why the Chinese New Year is celebrated for fifteen days.
Those of us who have been naughty would start praying to the Kitchen God a week before Chinese New Year Day offering the sweet and sticky steamed glutinous rice pudding called Nian Kao (or Tee Koey in Hokkien) with the hope that it will “glue” his mouth together so that he can only mumble when he present his report to the Heavenly King. In Heaven, all reports must be presented orally.

Heaven is a palace in the clouds where the Heavenly King and Queen live with their army, palace officials and servants and is not in Machu Picchu , as has been previously reported. Frequent fliers may have spotted the palace amongst the clouds during one of their flights. The Chinese flier will be filled with joy as he knows it is only the very lucky few who get a glimpse of Heaven. The non-Chinese flier will think that it is a mirage. Why, it has even been mistaken for a UFO!

Note:
The Chinese population has increased tremendously so there is a likelihood that in the near future, the Heavenly King would allow the Kitchen God one month to complete his report which, of course, would mean that the Chinese New Year celebrations would also be extended to a month.
The Kitchen God can only ascend to or descend from Heaven on the 1st or 15th of the lunar month because on these two nights, the full moon will enable him to find his way. Oh, the Kitchen God cannot travel by day because, after being secluded in the kitchen for a year, the bright daylight would hurt his eyes.

In the old days in China, young boys and girls are allowed to meet each other only on the night of Chap Goh Meh. Dressed in their very best, the young people will stroll along the rivers and lakes, using lanterns to light the way. Hence, Chap Goh Meh is also known as the Lantern Festival.
When a boy sees a girl he fancies, he will throw an apple into the water near her. If the girl likes the boy too, she will respond by throwing an orange back in his direction. However, not everyone is so lucky so it is wise to bring along a basketful of apples. You can imagine the desperate ones running around frantically throwing apples at all and sundry in the hope of getting a favourable response. Boy! What would they give to be a member of an online dating site!


Lee

P.S.
This article is based on tales related by my grandma, what I heard at the marketplace and coffee shops and a little imagination.

Fireflies For Sale

The recent cold winter and heavy snowfall in China, Canada and other northern countries has given me the idea of exporting fireflies to these countries for the winter.
I know a lot of you will be sceptical about the idea and think that the fireflies cannot survive the bitter cold. But, according to my grandpa, the “fire” in their bellies not only allows the firefly to provide light but also warmth, and he should know.
As a boy in China, during the cold winter nights when he and his siblings huddled around a jar of fireflies to study, they could feel the warmth emanating from the fireflies.
Now, I have always known my grandpa to be an honest man so I am going to believe him and not any scientific hocus-pocus that says otherwise.

I intend to sell my fireflies in 3 amounts: the 25 fireflies jar, the 50 fireflies jar and the 100 fireflies jar.
According to grandpa, the 25 fireflies jar is enough to warm one’s heart. So if you are a couple, I would suggest the 50 fireflies jar and, if you have more than one partner, then I strongly recommend the 100 fireflies jar.
If you buy in bulk, I can offer you a 10% discount. So hurry up if you are interested and place your orders with me now.

By the way, I am also looking for agents to market my fireflies. The firefly is a clean form of alternative energy and during this time of spiraling oil prices, I can assure you that this will be a very good investment. So, seize the chance. Contact me now!

However, I still have one minor problem to solve: How to feed the fireflies in your country?
Grandpa said he fed the fireflies with leaves from the “firefly” tree. In Malaysia, the “firefly” tree is a mangrove tree called the Berembang which is found lining the banks of our rivers.

First, I have tried feeding them with dried Berembang leaves but the fireflies complained that they are not fresh.
Next, I have tried feeding them with the juice from ground Berembang leaves but the fussy fireflies claimed that the juice makes them too heavy to fly.
Now, I am working on my “leaf-pelleting” machine which would turn the leaves into pellets but I am almost sure that the recalcitrant fireflies are going to say that the pellets are too dry.

So, here is my proposal. If any of you have any bright idea how to solve this problem, please contact me. If it works, I am prepared to offer you a partnership in the business.

Beneath The Open Skies

I'm lying here inside the tent
Gazing into the starry night
Snugly wrapped, in quiet content
Ensnared by the camp-fire’s light

Leaves rustle gently in the breeze
The tree-tops alluringly sway
The lost wind through the branches squeeze
Stubbornly searching for its way

Hoping to see a shooting star
As it journeys across the sky
Tonight my greatest wish by far
Is to run with the firefly

The bullfrog’s throaty courtship song
The night owl’s haunting piercing cry
The babbling stream, creeping along
Sing nature’s awesome lullaby

As my eyes close, heavy with sleep
Upon the earth, my head I lay
Dozing softly, comfy and deep
Until another brilliant day