I have been scrimping and saving for some time now but I still cannot save enough for my trip to Japan. So, I have decided to catch for myself a leprechaun. Why? Because it is the easiest way to get rich! Let me explain.
According to the wizardress (a female wizard), Madam Enid Blyton, leprechauns are the only ones who know where the end of the rainbow is and, everybody knows that at the end of the rainbow lies a huge pot of gold.
Why is it that only leprechauns know where the end of the rainbow is located? Well, according to mythology, all leprechauns are gold miners. In the old days, they mined the gold and buried them in secret hiding places. Unfortunately, leprechauns are also very forgetful; so they could not remember the places where their gold was buried.
One day, they decided to ask the Fairy Godmother for help. The Fairy Godmother, being a kind and helpful lady, waved her magic wand while reciting a secret magic formula (which I cannot reveal here because it has been copyrighted) and, lo and behold, a huge pot appeared at the end of the rainbow! The Fairy Godmother then advised the leprechauns to store their gold in the pot. “But what if others were to steal our gold?” the leprechauns chorused. With a serene smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes, the Fairy Godmother replied calmly, “Nobody can steal your gold because only you can find the end of the rainbow. Others can only see the top half of the rainbow but not the bottom half because it is of the colours der, erango, welloy, nreeg, elub, ondigi and tiolev which only you can see.” So, it came to be that only leprechauns can find the end of the rainbow.
So how do you make a leprechaun take you to the gold? They are such misers.
I will let you in on a secret if you promise not to tell anyone. You promise? OK, I believe you. Leprechauns have one weakness; even greater than their love of gold is their fear of bathing. All one has to do is to pretend to make them take a bath and they would gladly take you to the end of the rainbow.
Now, has anybody seen a little old man with a beard dressed all in green like Robin Hood?
Monday, 31 December 2007
Big leeches, small leeches
Taiping is situated at the foot of the Malayan Mountain Range. As such, there are a number of foothills around Taiping from which, rivers and streams flow slowly to the sea. Taiping is a town built from tin-mining. The tin-mining industry is over now and the tin dredgers have disappeared, leaving behind numerous mining ponds in ex-mining land – a bleak and barren land of white sand, pebbles and stones where only a few hardy shrubs and patches of tall grass called lalang can grow.
When I was about twelve, our family relocated to Kamunting, a small village about 5 kilometers away from Taiping and the last place to be mined. On weekends, my new-found friends and I would play in the ex-mining land that surrounds the village.
One morning, while we were washing our feet in a small river that meanders through this land, we noticed that there were “Buffalo” leeches in the water. (“Buffalo” leeches are large leeches about 10 cm long and 1 cm thick with brown variegation on its back. It lives in water and are frequently found attached to water buffalos, hence its name). We then decided to have some fun with these leeches.
We divided ourselves into two teams. One team dived into the river, which is about 30 feet wide, and quickly swam to the other bank, with the leeches in hot pursuit. One of them then dived into the water again and swam back to this side of the river, with the leeches following behind. When the leeches had reached this side, a member of the second team dived into the river and swam to the other side, with the leeches again in pursuit. Our relay race with the leeches went on and on and I cannot remember who won but, I do know that there was a bunch of very tired “Buffalo” leeches on that day.
Then, there are the “land” leeches. These are smaller, about 3 cm long and 3 mm thick, and are dark brown in colour. They move the same way as caterpillars do and are often found amongst wet grass. Sometimes though, they may just drop onto you from the branch of a tree.
One memorable experience I had with these smaller leeches was when two friends and I were climbing up a forested hill on the way to a durian orchard. When we reached a clearing, we decided to stop for a rest. We were chatting when one of my friends suddenly shouted, “Leeches!” and pointed to the ground about 20 feet away. When I looked, I saw an army of leeches among the grass, racing towards us! Needless to say, we hurried off up the hill.
On another occasion, I found a leech between my toes when I was at home in the kitchen. Pulling it off, I then threw the leech onto some burning charcoal in a stove. Imagine my surprise when the leech began to suck the flame from the charcoal, expanded like a balloon and then exploded. Apparently, these leeches will suck anything that’s warm, be it blood or flame!
However, these blood-suckers are not all bad. Leeches have anti-clotting proteins in their saliva which allow them to continue to draw a smooth flow of blood from their hosts. An anti-clog drug, called hirulog, derived from the hirudin protein in leech saliva, is already in the market. It is used to keep blood smooth-flowing and thus prevent that heart attack or stroke arising from a clogged artery.
When I was about twelve, our family relocated to Kamunting, a small village about 5 kilometers away from Taiping and the last place to be mined. On weekends, my new-found friends and I would play in the ex-mining land that surrounds the village.
One morning, while we were washing our feet in a small river that meanders through this land, we noticed that there were “Buffalo” leeches in the water. (“Buffalo” leeches are large leeches about 10 cm long and 1 cm thick with brown variegation on its back. It lives in water and are frequently found attached to water buffalos, hence its name). We then decided to have some fun with these leeches.
We divided ourselves into two teams. One team dived into the river, which is about 30 feet wide, and quickly swam to the other bank, with the leeches in hot pursuit. One of them then dived into the water again and swam back to this side of the river, with the leeches following behind. When the leeches had reached this side, a member of the second team dived into the river and swam to the other side, with the leeches again in pursuit. Our relay race with the leeches went on and on and I cannot remember who won but, I do know that there was a bunch of very tired “Buffalo” leeches on that day.
Then, there are the “land” leeches. These are smaller, about 3 cm long and 3 mm thick, and are dark brown in colour. They move the same way as caterpillars do and are often found amongst wet grass. Sometimes though, they may just drop onto you from the branch of a tree.
One memorable experience I had with these smaller leeches was when two friends and I were climbing up a forested hill on the way to a durian orchard. When we reached a clearing, we decided to stop for a rest. We were chatting when one of my friends suddenly shouted, “Leeches!” and pointed to the ground about 20 feet away. When I looked, I saw an army of leeches among the grass, racing towards us! Needless to say, we hurried off up the hill.
On another occasion, I found a leech between my toes when I was at home in the kitchen. Pulling it off, I then threw the leech onto some burning charcoal in a stove. Imagine my surprise when the leech began to suck the flame from the charcoal, expanded like a balloon and then exploded. Apparently, these leeches will suck anything that’s warm, be it blood or flame!
However, these blood-suckers are not all bad. Leeches have anti-clotting proteins in their saliva which allow them to continue to draw a smooth flow of blood from their hosts. An anti-clog drug, called hirulog, derived from the hirudin protein in leech saliva, is already in the market. It is used to keep blood smooth-flowing and thus prevent that heart attack or stroke arising from a clogged artery.
Saturday, 1 December 2007
Kite-Flying Alone Is Not Much Fun
The Malaysian “cherry” tree can grow to about twenty feet tall. It has numerous lateral branches which grow horizontally. As such, from afar, it resembles an umbrella. It has small white flowers which bloom throughout the year. The flowers give rise to the small cherry fruit. The unripe fruit is hard and green but turns soft and succulent with a thin red skin on ripening.
When I was a kid I spent a lot of time up in the cherry tree which grew beside our house. It was my sanctuary. Whenever I had a fight with my brother, I would climb and stay up in the tree while he would be stamping around on the ground, fuming. Sometimes, he would pretend to go home but I was not that easily fooled. Soon, he would be furtively peeping from behind our neighbour’s house.
Up in the tree, I can lie down on a bed of branches with the foliage providing ample shade and I can watch when the bees, butterflies and birds drop by. The bird that I liked the most is small, fluffy, apple - green in colour and has a long, curved beak. It would hover and dart around the flowers and cherries with its wings flapping rapidly. I think it is a humming-bird. Sometimes I could spot a fellow “watcher” amongst the leaves. It is the tree lizard that we called the “tocket”. It is green in colour, about a foot long and has a fine, long tail. It has ridges on its back and a red patch on its cheek and is rather like a small salamander.
At times I would day-dream about Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn along the banks of the Mississippi, the fairies, elves and leprechauns of Ireland, fishing in the South Sea Islands and so on. Sometimes I would even doze off.
You are most probably wondering why my brother did not climb up the tree after me. Let me explain. The wood of the cherry tree is hard and elastic; as such, the branches do not break easily and, in fact, are quite flexible. If one were to climb towards the end of the branch, it would just bend downward and if the branch is long enough, the end of the branch would reach the ground. Hence if one were to do it backwards, it is very much like climbing down a ladder. Many a time I have climbed down the tree this way.
The one time that my brother had climbed up the tree after me, I waited until he had almost reached me before quickly climbing down via a branch. When I stepped off the branch, it sprang back up and the whole tree shook. I could see my brother clinging to the tree for dear life, his face as white as a sheet and his eyes filled with terror as I scooted off to the hills.
My brother is one year older than me and my grandpa had named him after our town, Tai Ping, which in Chinese means “everlasting peace”. He was always prim and proper and neatly dressed with his shiny hair plastered flat onto his scalp with “Brylcreem” while I preferred the “Born Free” look and the only time I combed my hair was when I had to go to school! My brother was also all the things I never was; he was the class monitor, a school prefect, librarian and badminton captain. Sheesh! He was also so stuffy! And, being the first-born, he was also my father’s favourite. Of course, I was not envious of him! Okay, okay, maybe just a little.
Actually, I did not really want to fight with my brother; I just liked to tease him. The truth is, he is not a bad brother and we had had some good times together.
I remember during one Lantern Festival, our parents could not afford to buy lanterns for us so we decided to make our own. It was just candles stuck onto half a coconut shell and nothing like the pretty and colourful lanterns that the other kids had but, we were happy.
There was also the time when our father bought us a battered old bicycle. It was too tall for us but that did not prevent us from learning how to ride it though we fell many times. However, despite the scrapes and the bruises, we enjoyed ourselves.
Then there were the times when we secretly went swimming at Austin Pool. To reach the pool, we had to walk about a kilometer along a deserted path lined with Simpoh Ayer and Monkey Apple trees. (The Simpoh Ayer tree is short with bright yellow cup-shaped flowers, similar to the Buttercup, and large leaves which are often used for wrapping meat, fish and char koay teow (fried noodles with egg, prawns, clams and bean sprouts). The Monkey Apple tree is short with large, broad leaves and small, green, apple-shaped fruits which turn yellow when ripe. The ripe fruit has a soft, reddish flesh with numerous seeds. I now know that it is also known as the fig fruit). Mother had forbidden us to go swimming so, when no one was around, we would swim in the nude. Otherwise, we had to wait until our shorts dried before going home.
Then, he changed. He only wanted to be with his friends and I was left to play alone. Why, he even did not fly my kite with me; the kite that I made! Heck, kite-flying alone is not much fun.
When I was a kid I spent a lot of time up in the cherry tree which grew beside our house. It was my sanctuary. Whenever I had a fight with my brother, I would climb and stay up in the tree while he would be stamping around on the ground, fuming. Sometimes, he would pretend to go home but I was not that easily fooled. Soon, he would be furtively peeping from behind our neighbour’s house.
Up in the tree, I can lie down on a bed of branches with the foliage providing ample shade and I can watch when the bees, butterflies and birds drop by. The bird that I liked the most is small, fluffy, apple - green in colour and has a long, curved beak. It would hover and dart around the flowers and cherries with its wings flapping rapidly. I think it is a humming-bird. Sometimes I could spot a fellow “watcher” amongst the leaves. It is the tree lizard that we called the “tocket”. It is green in colour, about a foot long and has a fine, long tail. It has ridges on its back and a red patch on its cheek and is rather like a small salamander.
At times I would day-dream about Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn along the banks of the Mississippi, the fairies, elves and leprechauns of Ireland, fishing in the South Sea Islands and so on. Sometimes I would even doze off.
You are most probably wondering why my brother did not climb up the tree after me. Let me explain. The wood of the cherry tree is hard and elastic; as such, the branches do not break easily and, in fact, are quite flexible. If one were to climb towards the end of the branch, it would just bend downward and if the branch is long enough, the end of the branch would reach the ground. Hence if one were to do it backwards, it is very much like climbing down a ladder. Many a time I have climbed down the tree this way.
The one time that my brother had climbed up the tree after me, I waited until he had almost reached me before quickly climbing down via a branch. When I stepped off the branch, it sprang back up and the whole tree shook. I could see my brother clinging to the tree for dear life, his face as white as a sheet and his eyes filled with terror as I scooted off to the hills.
My brother is one year older than me and my grandpa had named him after our town, Tai Ping, which in Chinese means “everlasting peace”. He was always prim and proper and neatly dressed with his shiny hair plastered flat onto his scalp with “Brylcreem” while I preferred the “Born Free” look and the only time I combed my hair was when I had to go to school! My brother was also all the things I never was; he was the class monitor, a school prefect, librarian and badminton captain. Sheesh! He was also so stuffy! And, being the first-born, he was also my father’s favourite. Of course, I was not envious of him! Okay, okay, maybe just a little.
Actually, I did not really want to fight with my brother; I just liked to tease him. The truth is, he is not a bad brother and we had had some good times together.
I remember during one Lantern Festival, our parents could not afford to buy lanterns for us so we decided to make our own. It was just candles stuck onto half a coconut shell and nothing like the pretty and colourful lanterns that the other kids had but, we were happy.
There was also the time when our father bought us a battered old bicycle. It was too tall for us but that did not prevent us from learning how to ride it though we fell many times. However, despite the scrapes and the bruises, we enjoyed ourselves.
Then there were the times when we secretly went swimming at Austin Pool. To reach the pool, we had to walk about a kilometer along a deserted path lined with Simpoh Ayer and Monkey Apple trees. (The Simpoh Ayer tree is short with bright yellow cup-shaped flowers, similar to the Buttercup, and large leaves which are often used for wrapping meat, fish and char koay teow (fried noodles with egg, prawns, clams and bean sprouts). The Monkey Apple tree is short with large, broad leaves and small, green, apple-shaped fruits which turn yellow when ripe. The ripe fruit has a soft, reddish flesh with numerous seeds. I now know that it is also known as the fig fruit). Mother had forbidden us to go swimming so, when no one was around, we would swim in the nude. Otherwise, we had to wait until our shorts dried before going home.
Then, he changed. He only wanted to be with his friends and I was left to play alone. Why, he even did not fly my kite with me; the kite that I made! Heck, kite-flying alone is not much fun.
Love Is Just A Four-letter Word
Love is just a four-letter word
But do you know what it is?
Believe in me, my dear friend
It’s not just eternal bliss
Puppy Love affects the young
The old, and not so old
How do you know it’s Puppy Love?
Why, it blows hot and cold
Eternal Love or True Love
Some have the privilege to share
Be vigilant, my naive friend
It could be used to ensnare
Platonic Love is the only love
That says you’re just a friend
If you want to take things up a notch
It drives you round the bend
A Lost Love is the dear one
You let slip through your fingers
You long for just one more chance
But only the memory of her lingers
Secret Love is between those
Who hide their lover’s nest
It’s clear as day the reason here
Is to prevent an inquest
Unrequited Love is so very sad
And you may never heal
There is this question I have to ask
Does she know how you feel?
Careless Love is the best of all
You don’t even have to care!
But don’t be surprised when you turn around
To find she’s no longer there
Cyber Love is the e-love
That has spread through the Internet
You can fall for one you’ve never seen
Or one that you’ve never met
Then there is this strangest of love
That’s called “No Love Lost”
It means the love for your fellow men
Must be suppressed at any cost
Love is just another four-letter word
That has been tossed around
In blogs, in mail, in the magazine
It kept us all spellbound
But do you know what it is?
Believe in me, my dear friend
It’s not just eternal bliss
Puppy Love affects the young
The old, and not so old
How do you know it’s Puppy Love?
Why, it blows hot and cold
Eternal Love or True Love
Some have the privilege to share
Be vigilant, my naive friend
It could be used to ensnare
Platonic Love is the only love
That says you’re just a friend
If you want to take things up a notch
It drives you round the bend
A Lost Love is the dear one
You let slip through your fingers
You long for just one more chance
But only the memory of her lingers
Secret Love is between those
Who hide their lover’s nest
It’s clear as day the reason here
Is to prevent an inquest
Unrequited Love is so very sad
And you may never heal
There is this question I have to ask
Does she know how you feel?
Careless Love is the best of all
You don’t even have to care!
But don’t be surprised when you turn around
To find she’s no longer there
Cyber Love is the e-love
That has spread through the Internet
You can fall for one you’ve never seen
Or one that you’ve never met
Then there is this strangest of love
That’s called “No Love Lost”
It means the love for your fellow men
Must be suppressed at any cost
Love is just another four-letter word
That has been tossed around
In blogs, in mail, in the magazine
It kept us all spellbound
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